


Fool For- [Just Fool, Really]

by coalitiongirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Comic)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-30
Updated: 2011-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coalitiongirl/pseuds/coalitiongirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is stream-of-consciousness stuff, Spike POV in Season Nine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fool For- [Just Fool, Really]

The first rule of not-dating Buffy Summers is to never,  _never_  let her know that you're aware that you're not-dating. The second rule is to make sure that you take your not–dating as seriously as she does, lest she believe that you're not serious about her (She would run. You would follow, but she'd never stop running, would she?). The third rule is not to be too serious, because nothing terrifies Buffy more than ~Serious Relationships. The fourth rule is to pretend that you're unaware of all these rules and this is what you  _want_.

Ha.

The fifth rule (That's of your own making.) is not to let your frustration explode into a fury of kisses and nakedness and bold declarations of love- or alternatively, punches and barbed words and all the things that lead back to the first result, anyway. Regardless of how many times a day she lets slip that she cares about you, how many times you can  _feel_  her eyes on you (well, your ass, anyway, not that you blame her when you go out of your way to ensure that she's looking in the first place), how many times she automatically flirts with you and then gets that deer-headlights look on her face. Because no matter how determined she is to be your friend, pointing out that you're anything but will drive her off faster than chaining her up in a basement and setting your ex on her.

You aren't sure why you're still hanging around. Masochism, most likely. Ever-growing love for the girl who's still trying so hard. Oh, yeah, and that whole doing good for the sake of good thing, and aren't you supposed to be interested in Buffy beyond getting in her pants? Selfless love and all that?

Right then. You stay because you're a man in love, and just being [close] with her is worlds better than anything else you could hope to make for yourself. And it's not that bad, really, not when she leans on you as her closest ally or admits on quiet nights that she'd miss you if you were gone, not when her eyes brighten when she catches sight of you or blushes furiously when people assume that you're dating.

 _Nope, not-dating_ , you want to explain sometimes.  _We go to clubs together, but it's just to stake vampires. She asks me to come in to her apartment every night, but it's 'to hang out with Tumble, since he likes me so much'. We don't ever make out, except when she attacks me when she's drunk (not-drunk) and that's only happened twice._  You don't say any of that, just tease her about it and wait for her to reach breaking point. Except she never does, and maybe it's that that keeps you with her, more than anything.

She isn't the Buffy you remember, all shining eyes and determination and something almost like love. She isn't the Buffy you remember (before that), lost and angry and desperate to use you to feel. She isn't the Buffy you remember (before even that), dismissive and violent except when she's confiding in you and smiling bemusedly at the ground when you get too close. (You never should have tried to get too close, not back then.)

She's just Buffy, tempered by regrets and shame and denial and brought forth into a maturity that you're struggling to match. She needs you, but not quite as desperately as before, and she keeps her wants quiet and repressed. She might even love you (like she loves Harris. -you don't want to be a Harris to her-), though you're beginning to suspect that if you ever find your story with her, it won't be until the end of the line. She's strong and fragile and unbending and flexible and terrified and bold all at once, and she's glorious.

Buffy.

Just Buffy.

How could you not stay?

  
  
  



End file.
